Do We Ever Fall From Athletics Gracefully?

I ask the simple question to you…Do we ever “Fall from Athletics Gracefully?”

Being forced into Retirement is an issue that is deeply personal to me. I never really accepted being forced into retirement and it truly distorted my thinking and destroyed some of the joy in my life especially if you feel like I do as if your entire existence is based on the sport you play and/or what you look like.  Like so many athletes I developed an unrealistic expectation of returning to sport by making a miraculous comeback from my injury… you know the kind that tear jerker movies are made from but that wasn’t to be 

So, I'll ask you again … Do we ever “Fall from Athletics Gracefully?”  

Hell everywhere you look there's help for us to get into sports but no where along the way is there anyone to show us a graceful way out!! 

Just when I felt that I had become successful in sport the the proverbial rug was pulled out from under me and I was forced into retirement. Even more unfortunate this happened twice to me and both times I was completely unprepared for what was to come next. 

Retirement usually occurs from many reasons.  

For me as you can see in the picture it was an injury coupled with an incompetent surgeon that ended my career throwing in the Highland Games which of all of the sports I have participated in was my absolute favorite. I excelled in it, loved every second of it and it allowed me to travel the world competing. 

It was a real kick in the balls because the career you worked so hard on for so many years can and will feel like it’s been ripped from you at the drop of a hat and leave you standing there wondering "what do I do now?!"  I had no clue and no help dealing with the feelings I had and unfortunately I never did get help dealing with the aftermath of destruction, trust me I tried but it seemed like no one had any idea how to deal with an overachieving masters athlete.

For me, I loved the training that I did for the Highland Games and I mean every single aspect of the training. From the hot ass South Texas Summer Days throwing alone in a dusty field or driving (usually begging Sally to use her car with AC instead of my Jeep to throw with my Throws Coach who lived about an hour away), the strength and power training done in the mornings lifting, box jumping and throws technique drills and I’m talking about 100+ reps a week. I’d find myself coaching my athletes and in between their sets working on my throws technique…. to me it was awesome!!!

Even better than the training was competing!! It didn't matter to me if there were 5 people in the crowd or 5,000+!!  I absolutely LOVE competition and I have my entire life going back to when I was a kid and first stepped onto a lifting platform. Competing for me is an every day thing and it can be in a contest or just simply lifting hard at a gym or out in a field throwing or lifting stones and if I'm gonna be completely honest showing off a little!! 

I find it hilarious that I struggle to speak in front of crowds (don't even get me started on my social anxiety).  My anxiety will climb to an all time high but put me on an athletic field or a platform and I am nothing but Confident, Driven and Focused!!!  I had to take a Public Speaking course at UTSA to graduate and of course I left it for my final semester so I had to do it.  Told the professor that I had a fear of public speaking and he told me that he had seen me waiting tables at Dick's Last Resort one night and it was some lady's birthday so I sucked helium out of a balloon and sang Happy Birthday to her at the top of my lungs while I was standing on a chair!!!  "Sure you have a fear of public speaking"!!  I just laughed and went to sit down and thought about that night and remembered there was a whole lot more to go with that story!!!

I've spent most of my life training for sport and when sport was no longer the reason for my training it seemed like I had nothing to focus my training on and I began to ‘floundered around’ seriously struggling to find a purpose for my training.  Even though I have always loved to train for so long I focused just on training for sport and I seemingly lost the love and passion I once had for just lifting. I quickly discovered there were other aspects of training for sport that proved extremely difficult to loose and the big one was my nutrition or should I say lack of.  You know the old adage of ‘mass moves mass’ so when you're throwing in Scottish Heavy Athletics that's one thing but when you retire you might want to be smart and drop some of that tonnage and I had a huge mental lapse in that. My ego struggled with the idea of not stretching my 3XL shirts, after all I do have an unbelievable collection of t-shirts (just ask Sally).  The struggle with my weight was pointed out to me by 2 people whom I really respect and both Ben and Sally were on my ass about my weight and 2 years later it proved to be one of the factors in my heart attack and triple bypass surgery but you couldn’t tell me anything because remember

I was gonna make that miraculous comeback from the injury!!  Trust me when I tell you this is still an ongoing struggle that has definitely  left some collateral damage.

I think it's time that I write more on what I went through as I continue to try and gain some perspective on things and while its great to pursue goals in sports you need to keep a balanced perspective on it in our lives.  No one ever told me that.  I didn't grow up with anyone in my family being an athlete nor did anyone along the way teach me to live a balanced life. Instead I threw everything I had into sport and I didn't think about the future.  To this very day I teach my athletes especially my high school and college athletes to be well rounded individuals and prepare for when you have to walk away from sport.  Trust me it's harder than you can ever imagine especially if you're anything like me and I really struggle with it to this very day.

It really sucks that I’ve been forced to retire from two sports that I loved and as I've already said was unprepared for the end to happen the way it did or at all.  I’ve definitely made some mistakes along the way  and maybe by me sharing my journey I can help others on their own journey, you know the help that I never got and Lord knows I wish I had some help/guidance or at least had someone to talk to that actually understood what I was going through...it's really hard for someone that's never experienced the raw emotions to understand.

I'd like to think that just maybe things would have been different for me and I would not have lost myself and oh so much more that I've lost in the process. 

I asked … Do we ever “Fall from Athletics Gracefully?”  Well in my case and many others that have already reached out to me the answer is a resounding NO!!!  Not only no but HELL NO!! 

Funny I had already posted this and asked my friend Elda to read it when all the sudden I wanted to edit something in the story.

Now I'm gonna share a story about Houston Gym because it just came flowing out... there are so many more stories like this I have in my head and want to get out so others can read and hopefully  enjoy them!!! I really think that I need to do this for myself so I can remember just how much I love the Iron Game.  A few of you know it's been a really rough last couple years for me so I think that I just need to sit down and do that like my friends Ben Franks and Zach Evan-Esh have always encourage me to do...share my stories about my Love and Passion for the Iron Game.  Maybe then I'll realize that I've lived a wonderful and passionate life.  Yes I got distracted a few times usually it happens when I struggle because I can't live my life on my terms and fulfill the purpose that I believe God has Blessed me with but I'll tell you this... I plan to share my stories and most of them involve Heavy Lifting and Preaching from the Platform!!!

Time to find some food....I'm hungry but first I will share this story!!!

I remember one day visiting Sally when she was living in Houston before I moved up there and there was this personal trainer talking shit about her training... yeah I wrote that program you fat little fuck!!!  Anyways she always wanted me to go to Houston Gym with her and after I heard he was talking shit I decided that it was a good day to lift really heavy and make the entire gym STOP and WATCH ME and that's exactly what I did!!! Hang Cleans with 315 pounds... High Pulls with 365 pounds then Squats with 625 pounds and for good measure I used the 200 pound DBs for RDLs after I knocked the dust off of them and for even more enjoyment for Sally who was training with me and watching everyone's reactions I decided to finished with some Box Jumps on the 36" box!!

The little wanna be personal trainer that had talked shit about her training program to where Sally could hear it was standing there with his mouth hanging open and then walked up to say something to me when Sally came up and said "you talked shit about the program he wrote for me and now you think he's awesome!!!"  I looked at him and asked "Why the fuck are you commenting on my training programs?"  Think the dude's balls shriveled up right then and there but he never said anything to Sally again!!

There is a book by Dr Robert Pankey titled "To Fall From Athletics Gracefully"  and that title got me thinking and asking the question of myself and others!!!  One of my favorite professors from UTSA Dr George Taylor shared the book with me so I could read it back in the mid-90's while I struggled with my forced retirement the first time!!  I remember the title because I've asked myself that question over and over again!!